Here we go again,

About every six months or so, Joe and I go through this. We start thinking about having another baby. Not to go into too much detail, but my pregnancy with Bella was not a cake walk. I know a lot of women go through a lot worse than what I did, but not being able to drive was a big pain in the butt. This time I wouldn't have the luxury of Brenna driving me around. The driving issue was due to the horrible migraines that I would get that effect my vision and sometimes speech. At one point we thought I might have a tumor. I really have a chari malformation. It's where a part of your brain hangs down into your neck putting pressure on your spinal chord. Sounds crazy, but mine is not as bad as it could be. I also had some heart issues, too. But, the delivery went great and Bella was beautiful and perfect! So, it was completley worth it.
For awhile the conversation of having another baby was about giving Bella a sibling. I was really worried about her being alone. But, that has changed. I don't worry about that so much. She won't be alone. It's morphed into more wondering if our family is complete. How do you know? I have talked to some people who just know they are done, but the feeling lingers for me. We have thought about adopting, but we just do not have the money and frankly I am a little frightened of putting Bella through possibly loosing a sibling. I know even if we had a biological baby there is a chance somthing could happen. I am also nervous because I know some people who kinda scare me away from having more kids because of how gard it is. i am not scared of hard, but we have kind of hit our groove. I just don't know what to do.
This is a little off the subject, but a lot of people have told me to pray about it and I have for years. Sometimes, I think because we haven't had another child, that is our answer. But, I really would like to feel peace about it and I just don't. I get frustrated when i hear people say "god said" or "god spoke to me" Do they mean they heard God speaking to them or do they just get a feeling. Because I can make myself think things. Don't get me wrong I have seen god work in my life. I see it and aknowlede it. give it full respect.
I don't know if it would even be possible. Last time we were thinking about having a baby, I asked my primary Dr what he thought and he litterally winced and said that I needed to ask my obgyn and if thought it was okay then he would recommend a high risk dr. for me. I asked my obgyn and he did the same thing and said I needed to get my cardiologist on board. So, I went to the cardiologist and didn't even get to the baby talk because he said he found a small hole in my heart and that kinda threw me for a loop. my primary said that he didn't feel like the hole was a big deal. I never get straight answers. So, as I am writing this I realize this might all be a mute point or a "moo" point.