Christmas Spirit...a day late

Okay, so I have had the HARDEST time getting in the Christmas Spirit. I have gone through the motions. Listened to the music, baked all the stuff, watched the movies, but still just kinda blah. Not Bah humbug, but just blah. Usually, I have on the Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving and listen to nothing else at all. But, this year I have found myself starting out with "holly Jolly Christmas" and then somehow get to "walk like a ZOmbie" .....
I really think it's because a lot of our traditions, we just can't do this year. Joe and I usually take Bella to Nashville for the ICE exhibit. It's amazing! But, this year we are short on time. Joe's sister and Brother-in-law usually have a big caroling party, but not this year. And the biggest thing I am missing is Kansas. I think there are just 2-3 times in my whole life I have not gone back for Christmas. When I was younger we were there for Christmas, but now everyone in my immediate family can't go, We go the day after Christmas. But, this year I can't go. Joe tried very hard to make it happen. He found a great deal on tickets and was going to suprise me. He even called my boss so I could get the time off. My boss called him back and told him that he had rearranged the whole schedule and I could have all the time off I needed except for this Sat. That is really nice and I really appreciate him trying to accomadate, but the deal Joe found had to fall over that Sat. So, now I have a bunch of time off except for Sat. For me Kansas and Christmas go hand in hand. I feel this desperate need to be there. I have a big family and I am close to most of my cousins and VERY close to my Aunts and Uncles and I can't begin to tell you how much my Gram means to me. My Grandfather dies last Feb. and I never realized how much I would miss him. My Gram and I can talk and talk. We are very similar in a lot of ways. My Grandfather was more quiet and our relationship was different. But, he was just someone I loved and counted on being there. A permemnt fixture. Now, that he is gone I am realizing that more of those "fixtures" will not always be there.
Kansas always held the perfect Christmas for me. I loved that even though we lived far and didn't get to see family as much as we wanted, when we came back we just fell into place. I know things change and I have traditions with my little family that I hold so dear but I can't help miss the candlelight service at the church in Wellington (when they turned off the lights and it was just the candles,it was magic to me when I was little), the way snow literally glistened on the fields, the hot candy and carrot cookies at Gram's, the cousin reunion on Dixie's, Christmas at my Aunt Pat's house, sitting around the table at the farm just talking and eating. I still can feel it, smell it, just everything.
I know this is a huge post and if you have made it this far, thank you for reading and having patience. Please, don't get me wrong. I am so grateful for what I have here in Georgia. I can never put into words how thankful I am for Joe. Whatever I can say is just not enough and seems trite. The reason I named this Christmas spirit a day late is because I did find my Christmas spirit, yesterday. I had SUCH a good Christmas with my family. We just had the best time being together. I am so thankful for my sisters and their families, my parents, and my Joe and Bella.