Still frustrated

I went to the Dr. yesterday and what an ordeal that was!?! My awesome friend Tiffany drove me. Since it is about an hour from our house and Joe had to work, Joe wanted to make sure I had someone with me. I'm so thankful she went. She was so helpful, but also offered comedic relief. We got there at 6:45 a.m. I met with the Dr. and he said he thought everything made him think it was a T.I.A. or a mini stroke. He said it didn'[t have anything to do with my chiari. He also said he wanted me to meet with another neurologist that could help me more. He left the room to set up the appointment and came back in to tell me that the Dr. was in the building and he was going to get him so he could meet with me now. My Mom had arrived by this time and we were both thrilled. I was super bummed at the idea of having to wait more weeks to see another Dr. for answers. So, we met with the others Dr. and I was so relieved to have my Mom. I know I am a Mom myself and a grown adult, but sometimes I just want my Mom. AND she was a big help filling in the timeline of last week's hospital visit. He also said everything would lead him to believe it was a T.I.A. as well. But, since I had three "episodes" in a two hour period, that would mean I would have had three blood clots and that seems unlikley, but everything points at a T.I.A. but he wantd to do more tests to rule it out. Does that make sense?He said it could also be this other thing, but I forgot the name. It was a big word that started with an H that is a type of migraine that was caused by something weakening the left side of my brain at that time. He said whatever it was at that time, not enough blood was getting to my brain. he sent me down to the lab to get blood work done. When I was taken back the lady started to take blood out of my right arm and discovered a mass. She said it looked like a blood clot and she wasn't going to take blood from that arm and I had to go back up and see my Dr. She took blood from the other arm. So, we went back up to my Dr. to have him send me down to radiology for an ultrasound of my arm to make sure it wasn't a clot. The mass had gone down a lot by the time I got back to get the ultrasound. She said I could go because i had blood flow. We finally left the hospital at 2:30. So 8 hours at the hospital and I still feel like i am where I started. But, all the Dr.'s were excellent and really listened and seemed dedicated to helping me figure this out and prevent another "episode" So, the next step is a cardiology appointment May 5th. So we shall see.

So, I have had a crazy week. I hav been thinking about blogging, but not sure what to say. I haven't wanted to worry anone needlessly, but I am up late because of tornado warnings and thought I would just go ahead and post.
Exactly a week ago I was sitting at my Mom's house posting about our wonderful Easter. We stayed the night at my Mom's house. Joe went to work and I slept in. When I woke up I checked my email and my Tm stuff. I answered a few and posted a little and then as if a switch had been flipped I couldn't read. I could at that point, see just fine, but th words didn't make sense. It was like I didn't know how to read. I got a little panicky and went and got my sister. By this point I was a little lost. I couldn't see very well and was having a very hard time talking. It was like there was a disconnect from my head to my mouth. Then my right arm went numb. My Mom and sister decided I needed to go to the er. On the way to the hospital it kind of went away and then came back two more times in the car. Each time lasting 5-10 minutes. The last time in the car was the worst. The right side of my face went numb. It was so weird. half my tongue, half my mouth, half my face was numb. My right arm was completley numb and my heart felt like it was racing. It was awful and so scary. I didn't get a Ct scan or an MRI for a good two hours after the last "episode". I was realesed eight hours later. The Dr. said he wasn't really sure what happened. They didn't see any signs of a stroke in my scans. But, the first Dr. who treated me in the ER wrote "stroke protacal" on my chart. The Dr. that released me said I needed to see a neurologist because he wasn't sure what to do and I was stable. He was honest enough to say if it was a heart attack or a gunshot wound it would be more up his alley, but this was outside of his payscale. At the time I wanted to strangle him for saying that. But, now I really appreciate that he wasn't so full of himself that he could admit he didn't know and he didn't give me some guess that would stop us from trying to figure out what really happened.
So, thanks to my Mom and Kelli I have an appointment with a specialist in neurology on Wed. When I was pregnant with Bella I found out I have a Chari malformation. Basically, it means part of my brain hangs down in my neck a little and can put pressure on my spinal column. There is a good chance that this is the cause of what happened. I have spent the week being scared. I have been really overwhelmed by how great everyone has been. If nothing else this has shown me that I hav a lot of pople in my life that love me and I am truly thankful for all of them. I know I have actd a little cranky and a littl grumpy to some people this past week and I am really sorry. i am just frustrated and scared and it's comming out as grumpy. I am so grateful for everyone's support right now. hopefully, after my Dr.'s appointment on Wed. I will post that is was nothing just a fluke.

Happy Easter

We had a great Easter and I hope everyone else did, too. Holidays are hard because we live far and our parents live not close to eachother. So, we really have a hard time splitting the time. This Easter we just went to my parents house. I had to work Sat. night and didn't get home until 2a.m. and then I HAVE to read before I fall asleep. (a little OCD of me, but it's my nightly unwind ritual and I like it) So, we had the best intentions to go to church, Joe's parents, and then to my parents. But, Big Shock, we over slept. Brenna had a similar issue and she spent the day with her in-laws. So, we had a small layed back Easter and it was really nice. We missed all the people we couldn't be with. Bu, Joe and I rush around ALL the time. We always are on a schedule and it was really nice just t be in one spot and get to enjoy the day. Oh, I cut my hair AGAIN! It went much better this time, but I have mixed feelings about it. I love it in the mirroe, but I look like a goober in pictures. Well, whatever.

For whatever reason the link for our Etsy site was not working. So, I am posting it again. www.scarlettadesigns.etsy.com

i am going to be dork for a minute (who am I kidding? It's a way of life for me!) But, I just saw someone from Forks, Wahington read my blof. I think I know who that someone is. (Hey! TJG) But, I still thought it was neat!

New Etsy store

Okay, awhile ago I said I would share what I have been working on. I just uploaded a bunch of stuff, but not all, to my new Etsy store. My friend Andrea and I decided to open the store together. This way we can be each other's motivators and cheerleaders. So, we just post when we are finished with something. Right now, it's just the stuff I have made. But, I know Andrea has some really neat things in the the works. The things I have listed are just a few of what I have done. I have had so much fun creating this stuff and I hope you guys like it, too. I also make personalized pendants. I have one with Bella's picture on one side and her name on the other. So, check it out.
http://scarlettAdesigns.etsy.com

Frustration

Joe and I have gone back and forth about more kids since Bella was born. I know the answer and I think I have always known, but have been to scared to admit it. We definitely want more. But, how our next child gets here is another thing...I have health issues. getting pregnant is not an issue. But, staying healthy while pregnant is another. If you were around me when i was pregnant with Bella, you know what I am talking about. I couldn't drive, had HORRIBLE headaches, would lose my vision and speech sometimes, and I had issues with my heart. I almost completely lost my appetite in the beginning and lost weight. All that being said, somehow I feel that it would be fine a second time. Either stupidity or just hopeful, not sure. I know those close to me hope I don't have another baby. I understand their fears for me and I also understand it's stupid to risk my health. It's selfish. I know. But, something inside my head says it will be fine. We have thought about adoption. we have thought about that even before Bella was born. I have no doubt we would love another child as our own. i have a strong pull towards wanting to adopt. But, money is a huge issue. I guess I should say Lack of money is the issue. This is the frustrating part. There is a girl that comes into where I work and she has a three month old little boy. She is friends with a lot of people that work with me and she would just get dropped off at the restaurant and sit with him for hours. Sometimes my whole shift. I would hold him and carry him around. He is so precious. I can tell she loves her son, but there are somethings that worried me. Obviously sitting in a restaurant for hour and hours with an infant is the first thing, but there is a lot more. She is on probation and has a history of drug use. She said she was clean and I believed her. But, when I went to pick Bella up from school I saw another women carrying the same baby around. I know it was rude, but i had to ask. She told me she was the baby's step- grandmother and she was taking care of him now. Because his mother was in a lot of trouble and was in jail. She had to go pick him up from a local bar at 2 a.m. one night because his Mom was too drunk. I am happy someone is taking care of him, but it made me very sad for him. I can just see a future of back and forth between grandmother and mother and his mom in and out of jail. Hopefully, it won't be this way. Hopefully, this is a wake up call to her. But, the odds aren't good. It makes my heart hurt. I know it's wrong and a little self righteous of me, but I wish I could take care of that baby. I have no claim to him and he obviously has family members to take care of him and love him, but I wish he could have something stable.