Seriously funny

Can't wait for November

It's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to!

Let me get this out of the way first. I am very grateful to be alive, I am VERY thankful for my Doctors and modern medicine, I LOVE my family, my Mom is being super Mom, and my husband is super supportive. All that being said, I am going to have a pity party. I promise that after this post I won't do it again. I'll suck it up, put my big girl panties on and deal with everything straight on. But, just for this post...
Pardon me, but I'm pissed. I had so many things fun planned for this summer. So, many things I was looking forward to. (I know that by going through this now, it will alow me to have a ton of other things to look forward to) I have trips planned, little day trips with Bella, get togethers with my friends, family vacations. But, I'm on pause and in Limbo.
I had my horrible test yesterday. It was described as unplesent. A BIG WHATEVER TO THAT!! It was horrible! I was in what they called a Twilight sleep. Yep, I did giggle when the nurse asked me if I have ever been put in a Twilight sleep. I thought "every night". (I don't have to keep reminding you guys I'm a nerd, right? It's understood at this point) But, then they sedated me. Tottally not a fun Twilight sleep. They need to change the name. Anyway, they sprayed the back of my throat to numb it. But, then I just couldn't swallow and started choking on my own spit and they had to use the suction. The funny thing about the sedation part was that the Dr. would order the nurse to give me the medicine through my IV then leave the room. he would come back and I would be just sitting there looking at him, then he would order more and leave again. He did this two times. I guess I was supposed to be out with the first, but I am still the ADD child that everything works in reverse on. My Mom would give me medicine when I was little, that was supposed to make me drowsy and it would rev me up instead. Sorry mom! Finally it worked, but I still remember the bite guard and my body trying to throw up while they put the scope thing down my throat to look at the back side of my heart. It was miserable. But, I did go to sleep at some point because apparently i was back for two hours but it seemed more like 20 minutes to me. One minute I was gagging and people were holding me down, the next my mom was putting my cupecake converse on my feet. (thanks again, Nat) I had really expected the Dr.'s to say that the hole they were trying to see better wasn't a big deal and we aren't going to worry about it. I got the call from the Dr. on the way home. He said it was bigger than they thought and it needs to be closed. Apparently, the Dr. who did the procedure had already told my family that it wa sbig, but I wasn't all there for that. When I got the call, I just cried. I don't want this. I know the procedure to fix it is not as bad as it could be but , i still don't want it. I don't want to worry my family or friends. I want to be the strong one who takes care of them. To make things even more frustrating, I can't get into see the surgeon until June 25. My Dr's office is trying to get me in sooner. I'm just nervous because they are pretty sure that I did have a TIA or mini stroke and this opening or hole they found was the cause and I am at risk for having a full blown stroke. That's why I feel like I'm in limbo on pause. So, there you have it. That was my pity party. I promise not to do it again.

hmm..I've been avoiding this post

Well, I had my Cardiology appointment on Tuesday. I have been avoiding writing about it because I am just ...well..I don't know. I guess just not wanting to deal with it.
A couple of years ago I had a echocardiogram because of my SVT stuff. When I talked to the Dr. about the findings, I was just expecting the same old same old. I have had I think at least 4 and nothing really ever comes from them. SVT is one of those things that you have to see it while it's happening. But, this time the Dr. said "well, we found a hole in your heart" I was stunned and I asked him what that means and he said "well, it's the size of a pinpoint and it means that maybe when you are a lot older after a long trip you could have a stroke" I was really hurt by the way he just swept it under the rug. I asked my primary care Dr. about it and he said if it was that small to not worry about it and take a baby asprin, which I do. So, when I went to the neurologist following the episode a few weeks ago I mentioned this. He said we needed to check this out and so that is what sent me to the cardiologist. One I had never seen before. i was really impressed. He really listened and asked a bunch of questions and took his time. But, he was concerned about the possible hole because he said this could be the cause if it was in fact a TIA (aka mini stroke). He sent me to the Eco Lab at Emory hospital. The Dr. called on his cell phone and talked directly to the person who would be doing the Echo. I was impressed I didn't have to wait and I liked everyone was communicating. He also let me know the person doing it was the best. So, I went again expecting nothing special. Same old Same old. I had myself convenced that the hole wasn't really there that they had made a mistake and that was why it was just swept under the rug so to speak. But, after taking just a few minutes on different areas, but spending what seemed like forever on just one spot, i kinda figured they found it. She left and said she was going to get a Dr. He was super nice and let me know that they did see the hole. They saw blood going in between the wall of my heart and they weren't sure if it was a whole or a gap. It was explained to me that when we are in the womb our hearts are more or less open and blood and other stuff mixes and then if grows together. Kinda like curtains clsong. It overlaps and seals. They are wondering if mine didn't seal since they see the moving through that wall. Apparently it is somewhat common but they are concerned since i had that episode. He said a whole bunch mroe but it is a way long story and this is already a super long post. But, basicallly I have to go in to the hospital on Tuesday and have this procedure where they sedate me and stick this thing down my throat so they can see the back side of my heart, where they think the problem is and then do something called a bubble test. NONE OF THAT souds like fun. But, that is what's going on just so everyone knows. If I haven't called or retuned calls, this is why. I have been busy with this and working a lot. But, I am scaling back the work because I am overwhelmed. So, again, we shall see.

More Disney Pics because we are Disney Dorks

So, we had a wonderful week last week. We went to DisneyWorld. After what happened two weeks before we weren't sure we should go. Several people were worried about us going, including me. But, I really really wanted to have this family time. I work so much I feel like Joe, Bella, and I are never together at the same time. But, the trip went great. The pictures speak for themselves. I am going to post more tomorrow. I haven't downloaded from the second camera, yet. I was such a goober when bella met Cinderella. I cried! Very embarrassing! But, It was right when we entered the Magic Kingdom. They randomly pick people to grant wishes to and right when we walked in the picked Bella and took us into Exposition Hall and this man called out "announcing princess Bella" and he dropped a curtain and Cinderella was right on the other side and said "well, Hello,Princess Bella" Bella's face was priceless. I just started crying. i couldn't help it. Disneyworld does that to me. Also, I couldn't help but think that two weeks to the day I was laying in a hospital bed unable to speak right, read, and had trouble walking. At that point I was so scared of what was to come and if things were going to return to normal or get worse. So, to stand there with Bella and Joe at Disneyworld was just such a blessing. I am so grateful. I am so scared it will happen again, but I am trying to not worry and just treasure family time.