Top of my head

So, I haven't been on here in forever and trying to blog what is going on and keeping people up to speed seems intimidating. If I have to do that I may not ever come back. So, i decided if there is a topic that came to mind I would just blog about it. Also, one of my "friends" told me I was ranting on Facebook. hmmmm Well, since I have been pregnant i have been more outspoken but ranting? Whatever, I'll just rant on my blog instead. lol
So, tonight's rant...er topic. Crafter etiquette. I have tried really hard to make my living crafting. Not a big living but I can't work right now so I try to contribute to my family in this way. I have been more successful at it that I first thought. I recognize that none of us our born with the crafter skills. We have to learn it somewhere. But, a lot of things I do are self taught. i had to figure it out myself and invest time and money trying to do so. Joe is also a HUGE help. If I can't figure something out he will sit down with me and we will figure it out together. I get REALLY frustrated when friends or random people ask me to show them how I do something that I do that I make money at. I may be wrong but it really annoys me. If it's someone that already knows how to do it and they have a shop, too, it's okay to ask for tips and tricks. that's kinda "shop talk". I know i have asked other people technique questions and they have been asked of me and somehow that feels different. But, to straight up ask me how I do the whole thing because you want to make it yourself at home kinda rubs me the wrong way. If you are my friend don't start a business doing the same thing i do. I have a ton of talented friends with craft businesses that are all different and it's kind of an unspoken rule to not do the same thing the other does. I may be really wrong about this and may feel different after a good nights sleep but that's how I feel tonight! lol

new stuff and possible giveaway

SOOO, I decided to really push my jewelry and other stuff. So, i need to start really pushing my etsy shop. I realize i am really happy when I am crafting and I need to support my habit. it would be nice to support my family a little, too. I am going to post them in my shop soon. When I do i'll do a giveaway here. So keep watchin! If you want to go browse my etsy store now click here

boring

I'm pretty boring today. i got a big wholesale order for scrabble tile necklaces. Started fun but now that I have super glue and epoxy all over my hands and everything else, i'm over it for this week. But, I can ship them as soon as the glue dries. I made some cowgirl domino pendants that are going in the etsy shop hopefully today. I also have some ideas floating around my head for some stuff.

couple things

I have 11 followers. This so surprised me. I'm touched. lol seriously,I thought maybe I would have three and those would be my Mom and sisters. Surprisingly, they aren't followers at all. lol So, thanks to my followers and I am very sorry that recently there has been nothing interesting. i'll try harder.
Next thing. A lot has been swimming around in my head. I mean a lot. I have unrest and it's driving me nuts. I have known half the reason for it. Wanderlust is defined in the dictionary as

a strong, innate desire to rove or travel about. Well, I have that. i always have. i cannot bear to sit stagnant. I have to be planning a trip, or taking a trip, or coming up with ideas for trips. The problem is is that I am not rich, no where near it. So, I do more planning than anything else. But, I know these trips will happen one day. Joe and I do travel more than most. but, it's a priority to us. thankfully Joe has "wanderlust" too. It would be hard to be married to someone who didn't understand. Before we had Bella we would be laying around the house and one of us would say something like "I bet the sunrise at sandrock is amazing' then we would just grab the keys and drive the two hours to see the sunrise from sandrock. being Mommy and Daddy, you can't always do that. So, long story short, I want to travel and all this recovery hasn't let me do it.
The other thing that has led to my unrest is not having a goal. I am a very goal oriented person.
Even if it's a small goal. i have to have a goal. Just not knowing how long until I feel 100% has made it hard to plan things. Like I thought I was recovered enough to really hit the gym with force. WOW! was I wrong! baby steps are better. I have to figure out what direction I want to go in next. I had dinner tonight with my sister and an old friend of hers. The friend was so inspiring and I am so glad I got to meet her. She is moving to Paris TOMORROW! Yep, France and tomorrow. Her 8 year relationship ended and she found herself out of work. She was out of work for 2 months when she applied online for a job in France. Well, she got it and she is going for a fresh start. that is so amazing and inspiring to me. I'm so impressed and can't wait to hear and see pictures of her journey.She is so brave for taking such a big step. Last week a friend of Joe and is died in a motorcycle accident. He was really the nicest guy you would meet and soo talented. I was reading over his blog last night and he wrote that he was making some big changes this year and letting go of baggage and just going to change things. I am so sad he didn't get to do that. I know he wanted to move to Washington state and make a fresh start there. He talked about it for years. I guess what i am taking away from these two people is to just do it. Be brave and take a leap of faith because you don't know how long you have . Sounds trite but somehow when it's pushed in your face like this you HAVE to see it and know it's true. So, I may not be moving to France or Seattle (you never know) but maybe my big brave step may be school or something. Not sure. I have to figure it out and take the step.

Bored Bored Bored

So, I had brain surgery Jan. 18 and with a few exceptions I have spent the time in bed watching tv. Well the first week in the hospital I didn't watch tv. But, anyway. i think today was the last day. I'm done, it's time for some mischief! Last year was so good and bad. i can't even say bittersweet. There isn't a word created yet to describe it. Maybe I should be like Sarah Palin and make one up. hmmmmmm.....maybe later. But, I was looking back through pictures and I had ups and downs for sure but the ups were so great. I miss them! I want a huge up. I actually think I had a pretty good one. When I woke up from surgery and was still really groggy my parents kept telling me I was okay. I was really scared before and wasn't sure I would make it through. But, my parents kept telling me I was okay and they told me I kept saying "Amazing. I love you" It is pretty amazing to survive 2 heart surgeries and brain surgery in a year and a half. So, never mind missing the ups. Can you tell I didn't plan out this post at all? It's just 2a.m. and bored and thinking way too much for this time of night. I know this because I have been also thinking I wished I was a country singer. lol okay, night!

Home again!

So after a lot of debate we took a spur of the moment trip to Kansas to see my family. We had planned on going but because several different things came up we decided we wouldn't go. Tues rolled around and we had to make a drive over to Alabama to drop the goat off. My wonderful husband said " well we are leaving the state. Let's just keep driving and go to Kansas ". Lol. In case your geography is rusty Alabama is no where near Kansas. But my Joe knew I would be sad if we really didn't make the trip. I kept trying to come up with responsible excuses not to go. Money , we aren't unpacked from our move , rude to show up peoples house last minute. But Joe kept urging me. So we ran home packed a dew bags made a few phone calls and loaded the goat.
First stop was to drop the goat at joe's aunt's house. We hadn't seen them in years and it was really nice to see them. We left and headed west. Well north west. Made it to ft smith until weather was too bad. Woke up the next day and made it into Wichita after lunch. Stayed with my aunt pat and uncle rob. Even though it was shirt notice they welcomed us with open arms. It was so nice to have the time to talk and just be with them. My aunt pat us Luke a grandmother to me. We had dinner with some cousins. Really not enough time. I jokingly said it was drive by visiting. Lol
The next day we headed to my uncle Gail and aunt sallie's. This is one of my favorite places on earth. The farm is gorgeous to me and always makes me feel Luke a little kid again. I love nothing more than to sit at their kitchen table with a pop and some sort of snack and talk for hours with my cousins and aunt and uncle. One of my younger cousins lives to ride horses and she asked me to go our for abeude with her. She is so sweet and so easy to be around. I wish we lived closer and we could go for more rides together. Bella played and played. Joe worked and worked. Lol. He helped my uncle and cousins put in a fence. Notice a theme? I think I have said cousin a bunch. Hut that's because I have a lot of them. Lol. My aunt cooked a big dinner for us. Homemade noodles and roast. Soo yummy! Sadly we had to leave.
My grams house is where we spent the rest of our trip. I love my gram soo much. She just amazes me. She is more up to date on fashion trends than i am could probably out run me, has taken a hot air balloon ride over the African savannah, and sky dived when she was 73. I love sitting on the floor going through old photo albums or just sitting at her kitchen counter talking as she cooks. We had a great new years eve dinner Joe and I had our favorite tacos. Just not the same in Georgia. My cousin Leslie came and met us. I so appreciated she took the time to come see us. Back at grams we rang in the new year with a champagne toast.
We ended our trip with a nice long visit with my cousins Dixie and Floyd. For being such a short trip to Kansas and for it being so last minute, I was so grateful for all the family we got a chance to see. There were still so many more I whacked had had time to see. But that just means we will have to plan another trip !

feelin snazzy!

For the past several weeks I have been really stressed out. Nothing new. I am and always have been a "worrier". I have tried really hard to not worry so much. I try to pray about it and then let it go. If I can't do anything about it I have to let it go. That has helped tremendously with my stress level. But, something I can't help but stress/worry about.
I have SVT (super ventricular tachycardia). It is a pretty common thing and a lot of people who have it do not have much trouble with it. They get flutters or heart racing sometimes. But, you know me! Everything to the extreme. lol Mine has always given me trouble ever since I was 15. I have been on beta blockers on and off forever. But, thats not something I was looking forward to doing the rest of my life. Taking medicine like that for most of your life isn't good. In recent years other health issues have come up so this has taken a back seat. But, this year I had some really scary episodes. So, my cardiologist said enough was enough and I needed to have the procedure to fix this. But, my stupid insurance refused it. I filed a complaint with the insurance commissioners office (thanks Mom and Dad for pushing me to do this) and they finally came through. I had my procedure scheduled for Sept. 15. But, on Sept. 1 as I was sitting on the couch with Bella My heart started not beating right and then racing. When I tell people my heart was beating fast I am sure they think "oh well, when I run or do aerobics my heart beats fast. What's the big deal?" Well, it's not the same. For starters mine will be beating at 75 and in a split second race. It's not gradual. It's all at once. Second, it's not a normal fast beat. It's a hard beat that feels unnatural. So hard it shakes my body and it's hard to breath and it hurts. I can barely talk when it happens. This particular time I could tell it was different from the start. It was just sooo fast I couldn't count the beats. I grabbed Bella and raced to the car. I know I should have called an ambulance but most of the time the crazy beats will stop and be normal as fast as they start. But, I wanted to be at least on my way to the hospital if it didn't go back to normal on it's own. Which has been the case in the past. SO, I get to the hospital which is ten minutes away and it starts beating at a normal pace almost the second I get there. SO, I call Joe and tell him I am fine. but he tells me I should go in anyway since it happened for such a long time. Right when I get off the phone with him, it starts right back up beating harder than before and I felt like I was going to pass out. My vision was getting darker. But, I called Joe and he told me to at least open the door to the car in case I did pass out so maybe someone would find me. But, I managed to get out of the car and literally drag myself into the front of the hospital. It was the hardest walk I have EVER taken. The whole time Bella was holding my hand and crying. It was horrible. I kept telling her everything was fine but she could see it wasn't. I felt horrible for her. We made it in the front door of the hospital and I collapsed. The person that worked there and checked people in had the nerve to smile and say "how can I help you" ummm..I think it was pretty obvious by Bella and I crashing through the door I needed some medical help. I told him I have a heart problem and I needed help now. He pointed down the hallway and said the E.R. was that way. I could barely breath let alone walk. Luckily, there was a nurse who heard the whole thing and gave the stupid guy an irritated look and put me in a wheel chair. Poor Joe had called the E.r. and told them I might be int he parking lot. So, they were already looking for me. We live in a VERY small town and I have always been a little more than scared to go to the hospital here. Ever see the Saturday Night Live Skit "Appalachian E.R."? Yeah... But, to my wonderful surprise they were great. They new just what to do and unlike some other E.r. visits I didn't have to waste time trying to explain to them what was happening. Joe had called my boss to come to the hospital (she lives almost across the street from the hospital) to sit with Bella. She got there pretty fast and stayed with Bella in the hallway. It's an incredibly long story from here. But, it was horrible. My heart rate was 250 and they couldn't get it to come down. they gave me this medicine that stops your heart. I have had it before and it is horrible. It is a weird feeling to have your heart not beat in your body and be aware of it. The Dr. said "you know this medicine makes you feel like you are dying?" Yep, i do. But, after my heart stopped and then started again, it started at the 250. they couldn't get it to budge. So, I had to have a second dose. Again, terrible. but after a few minutes it gradually started to fall. After a long while it went back to a normal rate. The whole thing was miserable and very painful and lasted for about an hour. Joe finally got there and my boss to Bella with her. I was put in ICU and spent a lonely night there. Luckily, my good friend Lara sat with me so Joe could go home and take care of some things . But, when he came back he could only stay for 30 minutes. I got to go home the next day. But, on Tuesday Sept. 7 I had the surgery. i was soooo nervous I cried almost all the way there. My Mom and Dad who had been on a cruise celebrating their anniversary, met us at the hospital and sat there the whole time with Joe. Thankfully, I was in capable hands. My Dr.'s are awesome. And I have to say I had a lot of prayers going out for me. Thank you to all who prayed for me. I can't say thank you enough for all the cards and prayers and well wishes. I am feeling a lot better. It wasn't instant. The procedure itself was NOT fun at all. Pretty miserable. My Mom told me that when they brought me out of surgery and into recovery i cried anytime anyone would talk about it. It took more than a few weeks. But, I am doing a lot better.